Thou Art Pee Pee, I art Bee Bee

Thou Art Pee Pee, I art Bee Bee is a film that takes place during the Medieval period in America, documenting the Schneiderans' invasion of Derpville and a resistance that tries to fight back.

Beginning
The film opens up upon a first-person view of someone walking toward a sign in Middle Millernese, stating: "DERPVILLE: THE EPICEST PLACE ON EARTH" Then switches to shot of the main square of the City of Derpville, capital of the Ballwin Kingdom of Miller and two citizens conversing about the greatness of their city, despite the disease and violence depicted in the background.

The Invasion
The Toe army begins to start marauding around Derpville, killing all that are in their sight. The two characters earlier, one named Jameseth and the other Davideth, state that their state of having a name will prevent their death, resulting in both being strangled by Toe Soldiers. G.R.R. Martin appears and rejoices in the fact that no one is safe and runs off.

Miller's Castle
A bard sits in the Castle with King Miller XXL, then a Toe Guard enters in, whom kills the bard, then the leader of the Toe Army and of the Schneider Empire, Daniel "Dan" Schneider proceeds into the castle, and then chokes Miller XXL to death, but doesn't realize that Miller is finding pleasure in being choked

Beginning of the Resistance
In a quiet and secret corner of Derpville, a council joins together to discuss the oppressive regime of Schneider, which consists of Mharti, Seaneth Beaneth, Vladimus Putineth, and Chan (Chan is a bit special). Mharti states that things are getting out of hand, and they need a resistance. Seaneth stands up, claiming that he will lead the resistance, swearing upon parchment, not to the discretion of his mother, for whom checks his phone frequently. Seaneth is contradicted by Vladimus, who says that there is not enough people, and they proceed to try and murder Chan, but his actor runs away instead of succumbing to death, like the historical event. The Resistance now just only consists of Vladimus and Seaneth, because of Chan's death and Mharti's temporary disappearance.

Struggles being in Power
Being bored in his new position, Dan Schneider requests a specimen with feet from his servant, Francis. He then proceeds to bring in a disabled woman with feet for hands. The woman is then executed and screams can be heard off screen. Then Dan demands to be with iCarly.

The First Failed Coup
Vladimus and Seaneth venture out to the Castle, where Schneider resides, to attempt a coup d'etat upon Schneider, to officially dethrone him. But, when they thought Dan had surrendered, he tells them to take off their shoes, which results in poison spikes impaling their feet, knocking them out and allowing Dan to zap away their energy, as well as casting Vladimus and Seaneth off to a far-off land from the powers from Dan's magic glove of power.

The Misadventures of Vladimus and Seaneth
After being cast away, Vladimus and Seaneth end up being bound against a pole in the football field of a bad football team. Being completely dazed and asking for help, the voice of their religious lord, G.R.R Martin is heard, and assists the two in getting out of the bounds, then escaping from it, continuing upon their quest.

The Struggles of Schneider
After the previous scene fades out, it opens upon Schneider having a meeting with his generals. Schneider says that if rebellion is to be suppressed, then there has to be more feet. In response, one of the generals says that he spent all of the feet budget on soap. General Not Hiedle is infuriated by this and shouts "NEIN NEIN NEIN" over and over like an idiot. Schneider and General Toby argue that he spent it because of an allergy or some other retarded reason, then Schneider admits that he only has Toby there because Toby's father is upon Schneider's arse for unspecified reasons, so then Dan ultimately throws Toby over the edge, resulting in Toby's death.

The Misadventures of Vladimus and Seaneth, Cont.
After being freed, Vladimus and Seaneth continue on their quest to kill Schneider, but are interrupted by some strange screaming of a retard. When they continue walking, they end up apparently in the unrecognized territory of the Dragon Lord, who challenges him to battle. And when I mean he challenges them, he makes Memphis, his friend that is paid by the Dragon Lord's mother to be with the Dragon Lord. Memphis, along with the other paid friends attack Vladimus and Seaneth, but after a while of fighting, Memphis disobeys the Dragon Lord and turns against him. When Vladimus and Seaneth are leaving after asking Dragon Lord where Schneider is, they decide to kill him instead because of how retarded he is. But yet again, the same actor runs away instead of getting killed, like in the actual event.

Vladimus and Seaneth then continue, until they are stopped by a Royal Guard. The guard insists that if the two want passage, they must say the password. Seaneth says "The Leprechaun is in Motion?" this is incorrect, so the guard knocks them out and puts them in prison.

Behind Bars (Dum Ditty Dum Ditty Ditty Dadi Day)
Vladimus and Seaneth are seen behind a gate, which is also in a dungeon in the Schneider Castle, and Vladimus has been rid of his hat and is given the Criminal Helmet. They discuss on ways that they could escape, but are heard by the guard, who proceeds to torture them by throwing babies at them. Another prisoner tries to escape, but is stopped by the guard, who cuts off the prisoner's hand as punishment. The guard thanks the prisoners for shopping at Wall Mart, which at the time was the largest wall store in Derpville.

The next day, the guard is off shopping at Wall Mart, and when Vladimus and Seaneth continue contemplating escape, they receive divine intervention from G.R.R Martin, who uses his "Poop Magic" to free them. The bars that once contained them are now broken and the owner of said bars is pissed. When Vladimus discards his hat and leaves with Seaneth, G.R.R. Appears for half a second, as if he is a figment of their imaginations.

The Second Coup (and ultimate finale)
As the two (that is referring to Vladimus and Seaneth) are about to infiltrate Schneider, they are confronted by Council Member Mharti. It is realized that Mharti hated them all this time and is about to shoot them, but is killed before he could make his shot. After this, Seaneth ends upon a script for an unknown production. He claims it as gay and stomps upon it. Now, they prepare for the finale battle.

Vladimus and Seaneth enter the Castle, to find Schneider on his throne. Vladimus bumps into an invisible person and claims to have felt minor pain from said event. Vladimus ends up having a sword fight with Schneider, but is eventually killed. Seaneth kneels down to talk to the dying Vladimus, but is provoked by Schneider into the final duel. Their duel leads them outside, around the castle, and the Dragon Lord makes a retarded statement from his spirit, but G.R.R. Martin tells him "Shut up, I hate you!" so the duel can continue uninterrupted. When Schneider is bent upon that he is to kill Seaneth, the tables are turned when Seaneth defeats Dan when he retreats, crown-less and pant-less. Seaneth takes the crown and states that he is the king.

The Role of G.R.R. Martin
In this universe, G.R.R. Martin is viewed as an upper deity of benevolent acts, and his existence is actually questioned in this film. Within every scene that G.R.R interjects in, he is not recognized and nobody acknowledges him. It is only when a call for help is made, i.e, in the dungeon and when Vladimus and Seaneth were tied up. It is theorized that they only imagine G.R.R. Martin because he will do an action for them, which is shown that is very easy for Vladimus and Seaneth to complete, so it is not G.R.R. who is doing that action but Vladimus and Seaneth.

After Credit Scene
In the original script written by Jude Reed and Ryan Winzen, an after credits scene appeared. This scene never appeared in the movie. It featured 3 characters, Guy Uno, Guy Dos, and Goy, talking in a sewer about cauliflower before a monster kills them. It‘s unknown why the scene was left out of the film. Director Ryan Winzen, at a panel at Comic Con 2026, made vague and confusing remarks in which he alleges the scene was canned due to “divine intervention.“