The Martin House

The Martin House is the first horror film made by Li'l Hats Productions. It details the murders that occurred at an abandoned house that is rumored to be possessed by G.R.R. Martin.

Plot
The movie opens up in the year 2007 (which is revealed later) and a group of teens walking into the basement of a house that is completely dark, despite outside being in broad daylight. The teens sarcastically state how scary the basement is, but then a strange humanoid figure appears from the sheets of a dirty bed, holding a knife. The teens are later shown to be bound up and appear to be tortured by the strange person, who is only labeled as "The Killer", who sprays silly string at the teens, and also plays violin and throws an excerpt of a 9/11 book at them as well. It is later reported that all of these teens have been brutally murdered.

Snapchat Story
The film then skips 10 years later, to 2017, and shows another group of teens in Ballwin, named Flashpat Gamer, Zhek, Жacov, Rap'uishe, and Gru Gremlich. This is also shown to be recorded on Gru Gremlich's Snapchat Story, and repeatedly states this throughout. A minor exposition of the characters is shown, with Rap'uishe saying that they are going into the haunted house from Hell and then suddenly, Old Man Shitgucket, a local Ballwinian Coot appears, aiming a rifle at the group. Gru has a minor malfunction in his hippo campus, which makes him perceive the Old Man as ShamField, and thinks that he will have to run the Mile again.

At the Martin House
The teens flee to the same haunted house that the teens from 10 years before, with Gru commenting, "Oh, the electricity". Zhek has a sudden bowel movement and states that he must use the bathroom. Gru shows the excrement that is left in the toilet, which is red, which should be worrying, but is revealed that it is Zhek's ketchup, and conveniently when he needs someone to come kill him, the Killer that was seen earlier comes from the shower curtain murders Zhek. The rest of the teens run and scream in unison.

1 Dead
The scene changes to showing Gru filming Rap'uishe, who demonstrates her strength by lifting a set of weights. Gru says that he can do it easy and does his "10 Pound Weight Challenge" but fails miserably, showing his complete and total weakness. Rap'uishe then rejoices in the fact that she is safe in the basement, but then a hand comes down a laundry chute that was above her, pulls her up, and then Rap'uishe is choked off-screen.

The Celebrated Death
Flashpat and Жacov are oblivious to the death of Rap'uishe, and continue to go to sleep. Flashpat immediately falls asleep, but Жacov gets into a shark onesie, which disturbs both Gru and most likely the audience, and then proceeds to assault Flashpat, who cries and then ultimately dies. Gru yells what's wrong with Жacov, who then proceeds to turn off the lamp, and in the process of doing so, steals a Dollar bill from off the floor. When Жacov is about to turn off the lamp, it is revealed to be the Killer, who kills him. Gru applauds the killer and thanks him, but then his phone is taken from him by the Killer.

Ending 1
Gru makes the decision to go into the dark room instead of up the stairs, and is cornered by the Killer, who sprays Gru with Silly String, with Gru crying and trying to defend himself with a broken violin, but is then killed.

The scene then changes to a newsroom, with a newscaster stating that there have been "...Confirmed murders at old Martin's house." and asks the viewer to call if they have any information about this. The Killer steps into the newsroom, and then takes off his mask, revealing that he is G.R.R. Martin the whole time. He states that his murders were because he wanted to make everyone famous on his new reality show called ''Retarded Kids Visit My House and I Kill Them Show. ''So then G.R.R. Martin says that he must kill the newscaster with a putty knife. The newscaster disappears and then Martin says, "Dead now. Now it's killing you time!" this refers to the person filming, and possibly some viewers. The cameraman screams and the camera falls down

Ending 2
[ENDING IS OMITTED FOR BEING TOO BAD]

Ending 3
Gru decides to go upstairs and escape through the backyard, and when he steps outside, he sees Kreepy Karl, Gru asks if he is there to save him, but Karl replies with "Not Today" and then strikes Gru, causing him to drop his phone. Gru picks up his phone, and when he tries to escape, he is then beaten to death, his phone taken, and then Kreepy Karl then announces the upcoming film, "Kreepy Karl". The film then fades to the credits.

Epilogue
When the credits end, a news broadcast from the Squeezable Communist Empire begins. The newsroom greets the viewers then proceeds to the story.

A newscaster tells of news from Ballwin Missouri, where in the years of 2007 and 2010, there were the brutal murders of two groups of teens. The newscaster then shows footage of a protest that was in Ballwin of people trying to convince Ballwin Mayor, Tim Pogue to tear down the house, which is locally known as the "Martin House" the protests have been stated to turn violent and then involve local police.

Trivia

 * The ketchup put in the toilet temporarily clogged it.
 * The money that Жacov stole was actually one of the cast's, and the actor never returned it.
 * The Squeezable Communist Empire broadcast was a 1987 broadcast from Soviet News Program Vremya.
 * The character name Ra'puishe is an onomatopoeia for punching someone's face.