Chauncy Calvin Wilson

Chauncy Calvin Wilson, often referred to as just Chauncy, was an American mercenary agent. He often worked with his investigation partner Mad Dog as they both solved some of the nation's toughest cold cases and bounties. He was one of the main characters in Li'l Hats Productions' Commie Hunterz, which focused on his pivotal role in the Russo-American War

Early Life
Chauncy Calvin Wilson was born February 10, 1962 in Weeki-Wachee, Florida to his Floridan mother and name-known hick, Pamela G-Spot Corner, and his G-Man father, Howard Flagster Wilson, who is the grandson of U.S. President and notorious racist, Woodrow Wilson. Chauncy spent most of his childhood lamenting in the depths of the Weeki-Wachee spring, where the local false mermaids would offer him seemingly endless amounts of Miller-Lite beer, the national drink of the America East Matt Miller Company. This copious consumption of Miller-Lite eventually led to Chauncy's bloodstream turning into the beverage itself, along with an eventual addiction to "Lollipops", which according to Ronald Reagan or someone, is "Probably" really harmful, but because Chauncy was white and his addiction was caused by a highly-lobbied brand, his father decided not to turn in in, but rather show him as an exemplary example of American exceptionalism. Chauncy did annual all-American stuff like... flag things??? Anyways, boring stuff, childhood, etc.

Career
As was mentioned before, Chauncy did all-American stuff, and that included firing unbelievably large firearms at a far too young age, and with over 20+ years with literally every firearm, he became a skilled marksman and killed an eco-terrorist group from a kilometer away before they could spread a virus known as "Monkey Business" at the age of 21. This disregard for the environment, along with his amazing shooting is what captured the F.B.I.'s fancy, so they offered him a job, but Chauncy refused as he was deathly afraid of the word "Quantum" and Quantico, Virginia, where the F.B.I. is headquartered, reminded him too much of that dastard and fearful word. The government compromised, and hired him as a mercenary, and that is when he met Mad Dog, who returned from a rough espionage mission in the Squeezable Communist Empire looking notably different than he was before. Mad Dog had about the same skills as Chauncy, so they were paired together for their next many assignments, which included, but not limited to: The most notable, by far, is their sting operation upon the Mr. Idoalotofdrugs Mormon Church of Rooster Booster and Holy Nerf, where they had to kill wrestling legend Hulk Hogan, as he got in the way of their business. But the one most remembered is their hiring by President Bill Something in the redirecting of a Squeezable Communist Empire missile to Lake Chad, as Mad Dog was revealed to be K.G.B. Agent Ruedi Cal, and the two struggled to try and gain control of the missile, but Chauncy was able to kill Ruedi and redirect the missile. This was the moment that led to Chauncy's early retirement at age 34 in 1995.
 * Catching Ted Bundy before he committed the crimes. Bundy said "Howdy" then attempted to bite them and stuff them in the trunk of his car.
 * Busting the East American Math Miller Company in their multiple exploratory plantain exploitation plantations, leading to the downfall of Math Miller and his eventual career in schools.
 * Discovering and assassinating the first COVID-20 virus (you're welcome!)
 * Ending all production of products that say "Hecho en Mexico" because President George H. Dubya said so.

Later Life and Death
Chauncy went to a retirement home in the middle of a rain forest in Costa Rica at age 40, as before he had to live in multiple homes in the Deep South under Madea Witness Protection. In February 2020, for his 58th birthday, Chauncy decided to launch himself to the Moon, where he met with Australian one-time director-writer Baz Lurhmann in his COVID-19 Trap House, where they partied all day watching Luhrmann's decadent adaptations of The Great Gatsby and Romeo and Juliet over and over. Eventually, something similar to 1982's The Thing happened, and the Miller-Lite in Chauncy's bloodstream began to react violently to the moon rocks that are on the Moon, turning him into horrid creature of unspeakable details, so I shall not speak of the details. The Miller Thing Chauncy brutally murdered Baz Lurhmann and then himself after he was killed by the vacuum of space after destroying the Baz Lurhmann COVID-19 Trap House that is on the Moon.